Day 2 Musings

Five days later.  Ok.  The gap is closing. I meant to get to this earlier. From sitting still for 30 seconds to hoping in the shower to opening my laptop to type to checking and responding to messages here I am and I have extended the time I wanted to sit back.  So let me just stay in the moment.  

As always there is so much on my mind. I'm glad to have Tuesdays and Thursdays as think days, chill days, days I have open. Even if I squander it all, which I want to avoid, at least it is there so I can not lack of time as an excuse.  I can make time when I need to.  I don't know how I ended up...let's take stock of this particular season. How did I end up with so many ministries of PT in my lap. Let's take stock of how I'm evaluating them.

Prayer ministry:  I only do this once a month and for me it's filling a need that the church has in terms of volunteers.  What if I asked the question. God did you really call me here? I think, I believe He did. As much as when it comes around I don't want to do it. . . what's behind that? I mean, it's really the allure of being able to still lay in bed on a Saturday, but is it really.  Honestly, I experience it in such a way that I'm squeezed by so many things and these prayer points get pulled out of me. Very rarely have I been in a comfortable...that's what it is, it's my relationship with comfort.  It's not comfortable to be in a position to listen to God on what is being shared in this message.  Plus I come to scripture with more of a critical eye and analysis to what I experience so I incorporate it.  So honestly, I think what I'm coming to terms with is my desire for comfort. For things to be easy and come easy, when that is just not the reality.  Truth be told, the degree to which God has been speaking, so much that Kevin would say every time I lead God is speaking through me, that is significant and I can't discount or count that out. What impact would it make if I stopped saying that I don't want to?  But...even if I said it would it be honest?  What's really going on. The truth is that I DO believe the impact of prayer and I need to hold on to that not just for the moment but for the long term.  This service is a discipline and I will do my part for now.  Once a month is not too much to ask until it's time to move on

Justice prayer:  There is a different type of connection here. How would I explain it. I believe that God has something to say about how his people engage in society. God has work He has been doing within the very functions and systems on this earth and I believe in God's power to bring His kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven.  I'm having trouble explaining it but I believe that God is not pleased with the way the church has compromised and made His work about themselves. I believe God has an answer to the very injustices to communities on the part of the powerful among us.  I believe that God's power will turn the tide on the very systems that are exploiting and corrupting people in the world. I believe in God's power to reconcile all things to himself right here in our time on the earth.  

My challenge now is having the fluency to articulate the connection between faith in Jesus and the answer to bringing His justice to the world. The extent of injustice is vast and society continues to make up new ways to engage in evil.  This way of thinking I believe is new for me.  I haven't studied but God revealed to me a connection and my heart has been curious ever since.  At this point, it goes back to King's Where Do We Go From Here and realizing what he critiqued in 1967 is just as relevant as today.  I related it to the imagination of the white church I came out of.  The thing that also puzzles me is that how faith institutions are culpable.  The cooptation of Christian rhetoric and symbols that merges with politics all for the accumulations of power it makes me feel enraged, sad, confused a mix of emotions that I find hard to articulate. So I guess, I have found this ministry to be a place to articulate what I see, learn more to expand my capacity.  I'm available to get to know others through discomfort to be a part of a world that we all can flourish.  I can respect the fact that we all ARE working for the same cause which is God's kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. I believe unlike other justice initiatives that very well are doing the work, we have the answer in Jesus and so I want to see how the Lord is speaking into this.     

Where else at PT are these topics even coming up or being addressed. I think I want to leave these last 10 minutes to be still. 

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