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Day 7

 Maybe not my best fast day. I attended the virtual mens group and honestly I couldn't find the words to really lay it all on the table for everyone. Some of it is that I feel bad because I fell like I should be grateful but I have to speak my truth. Lord, I've been experiencing some subtle anxiety as it relates to this house.  I realize that when things get rough or overwhelming I try to hide from it and not deal with it.  I believe that you will work things out with this home for us. We will get the financing. I declare that this house will be brought down to an affordable price for us and that you will make a way beyond what we could imagine. Your name is riding on this.  Despite the tight situations we have found ourselves in, we have had a roof over our head, we have not gone hungry. You have showed your goodness. So as it seems to be getting tighter God I have to really work in my heart and mind that you will come through for my family. You will come through for me becaus

Day 6

 I'm getting my dates mixed up and merged.   What am I seeking God for in this fast? I'm seeking all around breakthrough for my life, my family, my community and the world.  I'm seeking breakthrough in my marriage and in my parenting. That I would have God's perspective of my wife and son. That selfishness would be held at bay and that I'd choose joy in how I relate to them.  That I'd find satisfaction and get out of this "well I don't want to do that, I want to be by myself."  That I'd take hold of that purpose as a husband and father. I seek breakthrough over this house and all things related to it.  That God you'd write a story where the builders/developers etc deal with us justly and with favor.  That the You'd come through for us in this closing process like no other. Help me to see this house the way You do. Help me to hold on to the truth that this is the house you found for us. I see that whenever I travel to Barnes' school

Day 2 Again

 I'm at Day 2. It's after 10pm but it's important that I follow through.  What's coming up for me: I just finished doing some early grading on my winter public speaking course. It's incredible all the things I have to say to pour into students when I'm NOT under a whole lot of pressure. I think that I saw that when I was teaching the classes at Emerson.  This year didn't feel like a strong year for teaching. I'm sorry.  But look at how I do my best work, at least I feel it emotionally when I'm not rushing and I'm moving at a healthy pace. It's something to be said. Today, I spent most of the day crafting e-mails thinking about the kick off for social justice prayer.  I'd like to see that ministry expand beyond our weekly prayer calls. I'm not sure what ...some type of community that is speaking into what is going on around us, in our communities and giving voice to what God is saying or what God has always said about certain things of

Day 1 Again

I just had 20 different thoughts. I'm thinking about Justice Prayer, what questions should I ask my pastor, should I ask the team?  Who is available to be my sounding board? If I'm honest with myself I think I knew for awhile that I should step in. I just question my intellect and ability primarily because I compare myself with others and look down upon where I am. I was given this 10 day assignment over a year ago, let's go. I'm actually excited to engage in it. So 10 days of journaling 20-30 minutes and after 10 days come back and review what was shared.  I won't judge myself. I'll look for patterns. So the question is this: O raised this and so did the book by Pete.  Let me go find the question...as I'm looking for this question I'm getting tons of other thoughts so here goes.  The question comes down to this, if money were no object what would you be doing? Right now I'd spend time learning more about the contributions and ideas of people of Afri

Musings on King

 I remember learning about a year ago about the message Martin Luther King would have delivered Sunday April 7 1968, had he not been killed.  It was titled Why America May Go to Hell.   I've been asked to lead a ...let's call it a teaching session for my college to commemorate Dr. King and I'm looking to explore some of his more radical messages that were very critical of American politics and economics.  I think I may have found an actual transcript.  It's posted on a medium site and I'm looking to vet this. In the process of that I thought to reach out to Dr. Clark to see what insights he could give on this. I see that he did a blog on King back in 2020 so I'll check that out. For some reason, Dr. Daniel White Hodge came to mind.  It took me a minute to remember his name but he has a book on Intercultural Communication that I have yet to read but yeah... it's the connection to critical, socially just Christianity and what's fascinating is that he is a

Climbing this hill

 It feels like a uphill battle.  Why should I journal? I've been doing this for over a decade honestly.  Over a decade of NOT writing.  I'm going to try to have compassion on myself for this because the truth is that I am shouldering way more than I ever have in my entire life.  I wasn't a father when I first started blogging or spending time with God in my writing.  I wasn't a husband. I was in a different place physically, mentally and so much more. So I'll do my best to take it in stride. I do wonder what it will be like and what will come up if I just commit to writing 30 minutes a day for 10 days straight. Listening to The Walk, the host said writing was like breathing.  I can't help but be cynical because I think back to how much time I once had. Do I use being married and being a father as an excuse.  Who am I really?  If I could do anything in the world what would it be. At one point it was going to be a concert for young people.  Now, I honestly get stu

Day 2 Musings

Five days later.  Ok.  The gap is closing. I meant to get to this earlier. From sitting still for 30 seconds to hoping in the shower to opening my laptop to type to checking and responding to messages here I am and I have extended the time I wanted to sit back.  So let me just stay in the moment.   As always there is so much on my mind. I'm glad to have Tuesdays and Thursdays as think days, chill days, days I have open. Even if I squander it all, which I want to avoid, at least it is there so I can not lack of time as an excuse.  I can make time when I need to.  I don't know how I ended up...let's take stock of this particular season. How did I end up with so many ministries of PT in my lap. Let's take stock of how I'm evaluating them. Prayer ministry:  I only do this once a month and for me it's filling a need that the church has in terms of volunteers.  What if I asked the question. God did you really call me here? I think, I believe He did. As much as when it