In My Head
I'd love to be the life of the party but I'm becoming OK with not. I miss my friends but then again they are just a phone call away. Am I the only who does that. I get so busy that months go by and I have not reached out. Or I think to reach out and don't put up the effort to do so. Life goes on. I sound so random right now.
Yesterday really surprised me. Actually two episodes over the past few weeks have really surprised me. Although this concept is so elementary, it's striking how you never know who people actually are until you speak to them or give them a chance. I've had two choice encounters with students in my class. Both of these guys I have perceived to be lazy or all around just don't care based on the nonverbal messages that I get. I'm such a teacher with a high need for feedback or some type of outward sign that shows me that I am interesting and that what I say matters. Call me a sap. Call me a . . . whatever I guess I'm just needy like that and I have to have control. It's not anything they say that bothers me, it's the nonverbals that I interpret as them not paying attention.
Whatever the case, one guy I tell him I'd like to speak to him after class. Do you ever have those moments when you want to tell someone what's on your mind but instead you see what's on their mind. Well, inadvertently I did. I found out a lot about him and honestly what I found out was that he is extremely intelligent and needs a challenge. It made me want to be a better teacher at the end of the conversation.
The second guy, I had a similar issue with. I prepared an activity where I had the entire class think of three words that people they know use to describe them. I asked each class member to formulate a 1 minute speech discussing that topic. It's his turn to speak and some of the things he said were funny but to me were a red flag. I decided to speak to him after class. Once again everything in me wanted to speak my mind but instead I asked him to speak his. I asked him how everything was. He told me about a boring English class, and I pried further to figure out exactly what it was that bored him and what it takes to unbore him--I know that's not a word. I asked him what he was in school for and if he tried to get any experience in the area he wanted to work. That lead to a conversation about him missing opportunities because he didn't feel like it. I asked him how old he was. He's 19. I told him that there is money to be made and you shouldn't miss out on it just because you get in the mode where you don't feel like it. We had a good talk and I found out a lot about him. Once again it was a reminder that I need to pray more for these students. It made me want to be a better teacher.
Even now as I write, these experiences trump all the selfish ambition that I have. It trumps all the things that frustrate me about people. It trumps the things I can be insecure about and it helps me keep going. I'm humbled to be in this position. I'm also embarrassed because I let my prejudices of students get in the way. I'm still a work in progress in that area but I know I can get better. Til next time.
Yesterday really surprised me. Actually two episodes over the past few weeks have really surprised me. Although this concept is so elementary, it's striking how you never know who people actually are until you speak to them or give them a chance. I've had two choice encounters with students in my class. Both of these guys I have perceived to be lazy or all around just don't care based on the nonverbal messages that I get. I'm such a teacher with a high need for feedback or some type of outward sign that shows me that I am interesting and that what I say matters. Call me a sap. Call me a . . . whatever I guess I'm just needy like that and I have to have control. It's not anything they say that bothers me, it's the nonverbals that I interpret as them not paying attention.
Whatever the case, one guy I tell him I'd like to speak to him after class. Do you ever have those moments when you want to tell someone what's on your mind but instead you see what's on their mind. Well, inadvertently I did. I found out a lot about him and honestly what I found out was that he is extremely intelligent and needs a challenge. It made me want to be a better teacher at the end of the conversation.
The second guy, I had a similar issue with. I prepared an activity where I had the entire class think of three words that people they know use to describe them. I asked each class member to formulate a 1 minute speech discussing that topic. It's his turn to speak and some of the things he said were funny but to me were a red flag. I decided to speak to him after class. Once again everything in me wanted to speak my mind but instead I asked him to speak his. I asked him how everything was. He told me about a boring English class, and I pried further to figure out exactly what it was that bored him and what it takes to unbore him--I know that's not a word. I asked him what he was in school for and if he tried to get any experience in the area he wanted to work. That lead to a conversation about him missing opportunities because he didn't feel like it. I asked him how old he was. He's 19. I told him that there is money to be made and you shouldn't miss out on it just because you get in the mode where you don't feel like it. We had a good talk and I found out a lot about him. Once again it was a reminder that I need to pray more for these students. It made me want to be a better teacher.
Even now as I write, these experiences trump all the selfish ambition that I have. It trumps all the things that frustrate me about people. It trumps the things I can be insecure about and it helps me keep going. I'm humbled to be in this position. I'm also embarrassed because I let my prejudices of students get in the way. I'm still a work in progress in that area but I know I can get better. Til next time.
Comments