Til Death Do Us Part
So I've taken a significant interest in marriage over the past couple of years. I say this primarily because a good amount of my friends are married or engaged. I'm pretty sure that at the rate I'm going I'll be the last one to tie the knot but it is what it is. It's one thing to have an interest and dream, but it is another thing to have an interest and seek out wisdom or observe.
The more I read and talk to others about marriage the more I realize that it's more of a character adjustment than anything else. This character adjustment piece I have never really worked on with past girlfriends. That's probably the reason they are my ex's now. Observing my mother and father interact taught me a very good lesson in character adjustment.
So I'm at home for a bit and I wake up to find that my mother took the glass covering off of the stove in an attempt to clean behind it. She meant well but she removed it in such a way that she forgot how to put it back together. So I'm working with her to put it back together with no reference material or anything. All of this because she wanted to clean behind it. Never before did she have the urge to clean behind the glass. Never before had it occurred to her to clean behind it in all the year we've had the stove. But for some reason today was the day to do it.
Putting it back together would have been a cinch but errr uh....the manual was nowhere to be found. I tried to help her put it back on but I found myself getting frustrated by the fact that she took it off in the first place, so I just walked away.
My dad get's home and I ask him, while my mother was in the room, where he kept the manual to put the glass back on the stove. Come to find out, appliances are built so that you shouldn't remove the glass. There are no instructions for removing the glass because there should be no need to remove it in the first place. So basically, earlier that day my mom decides to do the unthinkable and remove the glass--something that should not have been done in the first place. So now my dad and I are left to figure out how to put it back together.
So now the kicker is this: I was pissed. Yeah this is my mother but I have very little patience for things that are done unnecessarily. I get it from my pops and I could tell he was frustrated. But in his frustration he was still patient. Yeah he could have mouthed off, like I am prone to do, and put up a fuss for her doing the unthinkable, then complaining about having to figure out how to fix it, but he didn't. I'm watching my dad like, yo you are a GOOD ONE!
Even as she nagged him, trying to tell him how to fix it--why do women do this I'll never understand-- he gave her a forceful yet gentle answer that I interpreted as: "I'm frustrated and I need you to calm down and trust that I know what I'm doing." Man my pops is my freakin' hero for that.
So when it comes to character adjustment it made me think how I'd respond if my wife did something that was just off the wall and I had to find a solution for it. There are things I'm prone to do because of my personality but there comes a point where what's natural is not beneficial and will make things worst. Talk about a love that looks beyond your faults and works with you. Man I really saw that today and am freaking amazed. It challenged me cuz I'm not sure I'm ready for those tests yet. We'll see.
So my advice is this, even as you my readers pursue long term and serious relationships look for someone with potential to do this for you--that is work with you even in things the other doesn't understand. Does that make sense? Really commitment is more than just spending a long amount of time with a person but it is really sticking with that person as they grow. From my observance commitment entails sticking with them even through their mistakes that make zero bit of sense to you. It also involves being committed to the processes the other is going through and responding accordingly. This was good stuff for me.
I guess this is my Valentines Day message. Be good and show love to someone.
The more I read and talk to others about marriage the more I realize that it's more of a character adjustment than anything else. This character adjustment piece I have never really worked on with past girlfriends. That's probably the reason they are my ex's now. Observing my mother and father interact taught me a very good lesson in character adjustment.
So I'm at home for a bit and I wake up to find that my mother took the glass covering off of the stove in an attempt to clean behind it. She meant well but she removed it in such a way that she forgot how to put it back together. So I'm working with her to put it back together with no reference material or anything. All of this because she wanted to clean behind it. Never before did she have the urge to clean behind the glass. Never before had it occurred to her to clean behind it in all the year we've had the stove. But for some reason today was the day to do it.
Putting it back together would have been a cinch but errr uh....the manual was nowhere to be found. I tried to help her put it back on but I found myself getting frustrated by the fact that she took it off in the first place, so I just walked away.
My dad get's home and I ask him, while my mother was in the room, where he kept the manual to put the glass back on the stove. Come to find out, appliances are built so that you shouldn't remove the glass. There are no instructions for removing the glass because there should be no need to remove it in the first place. So basically, earlier that day my mom decides to do the unthinkable and remove the glass--something that should not have been done in the first place. So now my dad and I are left to figure out how to put it back together.
So now the kicker is this: I was pissed. Yeah this is my mother but I have very little patience for things that are done unnecessarily. I get it from my pops and I could tell he was frustrated. But in his frustration he was still patient. Yeah he could have mouthed off, like I am prone to do, and put up a fuss for her doing the unthinkable, then complaining about having to figure out how to fix it, but he didn't. I'm watching my dad like, yo you are a GOOD ONE!
Even as she nagged him, trying to tell him how to fix it--why do women do this I'll never understand-- he gave her a forceful yet gentle answer that I interpreted as: "I'm frustrated and I need you to calm down and trust that I know what I'm doing." Man my pops is my freakin' hero for that.
So when it comes to character adjustment it made me think how I'd respond if my wife did something that was just off the wall and I had to find a solution for it. There are things I'm prone to do because of my personality but there comes a point where what's natural is not beneficial and will make things worst. Talk about a love that looks beyond your faults and works with you. Man I really saw that today and am freaking amazed. It challenged me cuz I'm not sure I'm ready for those tests yet. We'll see.
So my advice is this, even as you my readers pursue long term and serious relationships look for someone with potential to do this for you--that is work with you even in things the other doesn't understand. Does that make sense? Really commitment is more than just spending a long amount of time with a person but it is really sticking with that person as they grow. From my observance commitment entails sticking with them even through their mistakes that make zero bit of sense to you. It also involves being committed to the processes the other is going through and responding accordingly. This was good stuff for me.
I guess this is my Valentines Day message. Be good and show love to someone.
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