Defining Moment

Today in class we played a game called "Hot Spot." I made it up on the fly after watching a clip from The Great Debators. The premise of the game was that each person in class had to stand in the hot spot for 30 seconds and answer a question. The idea was to spend 30 seconds speaking and of course that did not happen but it was still funny. I volunteered to step into the hot spot and have the students ask me a question and one student asked what is the greatest moment that helped define who you are today. I chose to talk about me being unemployed after graduate school and the journey I took to find a place that really fit who I am. After grad school I had so much ambition and drive, I just knew I was going to be an ad exec on Madison Ave. Unfortunately things did not happen that way. I found myself back home living in my parent's basement feeling so unsure of myself. Job application after job application and no response. My money got so low, I'm not even sure how I got through for the year and a half that I did. Living home with my parents while my friends were getting married, having kids, enjoying their jobs, houses, and I'm trying to figure out my next move. My parents who were so supportive at first got tired of me and of course there was a lot of friction living at home again. Then I crashed my car so with no income to really afford a car payment. Then the car I did drive got stolen. Situations got worst before they got better. They got worst. The jobs I did have didn't pay enough and I hated them. I got fired by jobs I couldn't stand. But in the midst there were some sweet moments. Strikingly I hung out a whole lot more than I did before. I tapped into emotions that I never did before, which served as a great muse. I grew closer to God above all and saw myself free from unhealthy thinking, addictions, and all around habits that were crippling me. I was more honest about life than I ever was. I faced my ugly in ways that I didn't know I could. Having all that time gave me time and gave me rest to get better. No I didn't feel as strong of a man as I thought but I learned that who I am is not based on what I have or what others think I should have. I'm not completely where I want to be. What I mean is my character is not where it should be but coming to that place where nothing was working out caused me to dig deep into God and who I am more than ever. I've actually got lazy. I never had to struggle for much because all I needed was available to me. All I had to do was work extra hard. When your work ethic does not produce what you believe you deserve will really mess with your hope. That time really did turn itself around. Had I not gone through that I would not be touching lives in the classroom the way I am today. Had I not gone through that I would not have the faith I have today which has lead me to where I am. I would be a different person. So all that said, the unemployment produced many defining moments that have shaped who I am today.

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