Black Tie Lounge

 I heard somewhere that when you don't know what to say, write and when you don't know what to think read. I read so much that my mind is full of so many things I want to say. What I want to say right now goes back to what I believe I should have discerned and said in the moment. Someone that I consider a friend, now I'm considering to what degree we are friends. Is it more about my personal loyalty because of time or is it something else. We have history but all that aside, he spoke to me about something concerning his children that has implications on my child.  I need to pull apart a couple of things.  Where I go wrong is when I don't narrate the value of my child. My child is extroverted and he loves people. People love him. He is 5 years old and people take to him.  He is friendly and he can be attached when he makes a connection.  I'm trying my best to fully recall what was said but what I recall was him bringing up the last time our kids were together and how

 I really like writers, speakers and educators who have themes and explore them. It's a great way to organize something and it just shows such creativity when one is able to find a connecting thread.  It make it easier for the listener. I don't know I really like it. Today my wife is being honored by the Commonwealth.  This is an incredible accomplishment. Afterward I am headed to co-facilitate a 3 day workshop. We'll see how this goes. This morning I woke up and reviewed the ministry website for Friendship-West. After hearing Pastor Haynes speak at last year's CRT Summer School I have been following his ministry. Three years ago . . . sounds like I need to go help my son get ready to get up out of here. I hope to be back soon. I'm back now and I'm attempting to journal through all the noise distractions of my son, my wife's phone and getting ready. This has been a huge characteristic of life these days desiring to find peace and not be distracted by the foo

It's the summer of 2024. My son starts camp today. I came from the men's summit.  Had an incredible Father's Day. All the more reminder that my priority is God, my wife, my son.  I found myself going into the summit feeling like  . . .  I'm really looking for connection. I want to be included.  These are feelings that I have often and have struggled with often.  There are moments that I start to feel envious and unseen when I know I have come a long way and God sees me. I know it in my head but I fight to feel it in my heart. I can write it off as a struggle for attention but I do wonder what is underneath it.  I came to the conclusion that the emotional intimacy I know I need, but run away from, that what is available to me I discard it because it comes in a form that doesn't meet my expectation is a reflection of where I am with God.  God I know I have not pursued you.  Yes, the reality of the season is that it is much harder than before. I didn't expect it to

 Maybe not my best fast day. I attended the virtual mens group and honestly I couldn't find the words to really lay it all on the table for everyone. Some of it is that I feel bad because I fell like I should be grateful but I have to speak my truth. Lord, I've been experiencing some subtle anxiety as it relates to this house.  I realize that when things get rough or overwhelming I try to hide from it and not deal with it.  I believe that you will work things out with this home for us. We will get the financing. I declare that this house will be brought down to an affordable price for us and that you will make a way beyond what we could imagine. Your name is riding on this.  Despite the tight situations we have found ourselves in, we have had a roof over our head, we have not gone hungry. You have showed your goodness. So as it seems to be getting tighter God I have to really work in my heart and mind that you will come through for my family. You will come through for me becaus

 I'm getting my dates mixed up and merged.   What am I seeking God for in this fast? I'm seeking all around breakthrough for my life, my family, my community and the world.  I'm seeking breakthrough in my marriage and in my parenting. That I would have God's perspective of my wife and son. That selfishness would be held at bay and that I'd choose joy in how I relate to them.  That I'd find satisfaction and get out of this "well I don't want to do that, I want to be by myself."  That I'd take hold of that purpose as a husband and father. I seek breakthrough over this house and all things related to it.  That God you'd write a story where the builders/developers etc deal with us justly and with favor.  That the You'd come through for us in this closing process like no other. Help me to see this house the way You do. Help me to hold on to the truth that this is the house you found for us. I see that whenever I travel to Barnes' school

 I'm at Day 2. It's after 10pm but it's important that I follow through.  What's coming up for me: I just finished doing some early grading on my winter public speaking course. It's incredible all the things I have to say to pour into students when I'm NOT under a whole lot of pressure. I think that I saw that when I was teaching the classes at Emerson.  This year didn't feel like a strong year for teaching. I'm sorry.  But look at how I do my best work, at least I feel it emotionally when I'm not rushing and I'm moving at a healthy pace. It's something to be said. Today, I spent most of the day crafting e-mails thinking about the kick off for social justice prayer.  I'd like to see that ministry expand beyond our weekly prayer calls. I'm not sure what ...some type of community that is speaking into what is going on around us, in our communities and giving voice to what God is saying or what God has always said about certain things of