Day 3 - extended pause

 I heard somewhere that when you don't know what to say, write and when you don't know what to think read. I read so much that my mind is full of so many things I want to say.

What I want to say right now goes back to what I believe I should have discerned and said in the moment. Someone that I consider a friend, now I'm considering to what degree we are friends. Is it more about my personal loyalty because of time or is it something else. We have history but all that aside, he spoke to me about something concerning his children that has implications on my child.  I need to pull apart a couple of things.  Where I go wrong is when I don't narrate the value of my child. My child is extroverted and he loves people. People love him. He is 5 years old and people take to him.  He is friendly and he can be attached when he makes a connection.  I'm trying my best to fully recall what was said but what I recall was him bringing up the last time our kids were together and how at least one of their children was very upset because my child was incessant about playing with her when she didn't want to. Fair enough.

I vaguely remember that moment but I do know how I have observed times where I ask my child to stop and he doesn't or how involved he can be when he wants to interact and it doesn't seem to be received. What I remember from that conversation was him saying something to the effect of he and his wife will take special attention to monitor, maybe monitor wasn't the right word, but take careful attention to parent their child when that happens. 

It was weird to have that conversation and something about it did not fully sit right with me but I had a hard time processing what I thought I heard and articulating a response.  I get it, your child responds to another child and you want to support her in that way. However the implication is that now you bring us into what your child has going on or there is something my child is doing that needs to stop. The implication is a possible false perception of my child. When taken in context, this was about a year ago and there should be respect enough that our child has developed since then. He was a 4 year old boy at the time and he was pretty attached because they were the only kids he knew in that setting. There is also a racial element because black boys are frequently misunderstood when they do behavior that their same white children do.  There is a question of how much the other child is socialized around boys and black people in general which are things we can't help but think about given our identity.  My friend and his family aren't bad people we just think that they may not have though through the impact to us in bringing this to us.  I personally would have prayed about it kept it moving and been flexible enough to handle things in the moment. It comes across as trying to control your child rather than let things play out because what if a situation didn't even arise.   In trying to support their child they have not brought us into their baggage when honestly they could have kept it to themselves. 

Lord give me the wisdom to speak in that moment.  Another scenario on speaking in the moment.  What that faculty said made me uncomfortable. I think some of my colleagues just talk to hear themselves.  I don't know how I would have handled that. How does that make me feel.  I ask for skills in that area. Being discerning in the moment and having a response that is true to myself and addresses the concern. That's wild. I'd love to talk to the director about stuff like that.  Don't make black people the racial experts and the cover for everything related to race, inequality, or even when people racialized as white are doing some foul stuff. Ehh  Lord I'd like some skills in that area.

What else is going on? 

I think what it comes down to is for me to develop leadership skills to interrupt these type of things.  It will take intimacy with God, His Holy Spirit but I believe You will release in me the power to speak and the skills to interrupt where things like this happen,.